What Is Anger?

Anger is a response to a perceived injustice — crossed boundaries, lack of respect, feeling threatened, or feeling dismissed or powerless.

At a physiological level, anger is a part of the fight-or-flight response, activating the body for action. Heart rate increases, muscles tense, and attention narrows. This can be useful in genuine danger or when clear boundaries are needed — but problematic when anger becomes the default response to stress, pressure, or emotional discomfort.

Importantly, anger is often a secondary emotion. Underneath it, there may be:

• stress or overwhelm

• frustration or helplessness

• anxiety or fear

• shame or self-criticism

• feeling disrespected or unappreciated

Because anger feels more familiar or “acceptable” to express, particularly in men, it can mask more vulnerable emotional states.

Emotional Reactivity and the Nervous System

When emotional reactions feel intense or rapid, it’s often a sign that the nervous system is operating in a heightened state.

Common signs of emotional reactivity include:

• snapping or overreacting to small things

• difficulty stepping back once activated

• regret after outbursts

• feeling constantly on edge or tense

• anger followed by guilt or shame

• withdrawing or shutting down after irritation

This doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It usually means your system has learned to respond quickly to perceived threats — often in environments where doing so once made sense.

Why Anger Becomes a Pattern

Anger often becomes entrenched through a predictable loop:

1. Stress, pressure, or emotional discomfort builds

2. Anger provides a sense of release or control

3. The immediate relief reinforces the reaction

4. Underlying issues remain unaddressed

5. Tension builds again.

Anger, Boundaries, and Meaning

In some cases, anger reflects genuine boundary issues — situations where needs or values aren’t being recognised. Therapy can help differentiate between anger that needs to be expressed constructively and anger that’s driven by accumulated stress or emotional avoidance.

For many people, this work leads not only to fewer outbursts, but to:

• improved self-control

• clearer communication

• stronger relationships

• increased emotional flexibility

• less regret and self-judgement

When It’s Worth Getting Support

It may be helpful to consider therapy if:

• anger feels out of proportion to the situation

• reactions are affecting relationships or work

• irritation or tension feels constant

• you regret things said or done in anger

• you feel controlled by emotions rather than choosing how to respond

How I Help With Anger Management

My approach to managing anger focuses on evidence-based principles and draws from various psychological interventions that I tailor to your specific needs and goals.

This generally involves:

• identifying triggers and recurring patterns

• understanding what anger is protecting or signalling

• working with underlying emotions rather than suppressing them

• recognising early physiological signs of activation

• developing regulation strategies that don’t rely on avoidance or explosion

• challenging beliefs or expectations that intensify anger

Anger and emotional reactivity are workable. With the right support, people often find they’re not actually “angry people” — rather individuals who have developed a learned behaviour to protect themselves.

If you’d like to arrange a session to discuss your specific situation and see what I can do to help, please get in touch using the form below

Telehealth sessions are available Australia-wide.